A Part of ME.....

On a chilled winter morning, I reached the college on my black scooty... oh! God I was almost trembling with cold. Walked up those familiar stairs... and reached straight to the shop , for a coffee... after a sip, looked around to find my classmates... and as usual I saw them sitting on the 'Katta'.... same place... same thing... just sipping over some coffee and laughing at God knows what.... I walked towards them... and got a friendly greet... "Hey Gitsy, you look so zonked... have you come for the 7.00 am class....??? Well, as usual you are just about 3 hours late"... :) and me with my... typical self smiled and said.... “Aree Yaar, I just couldn’t get up", and every one just burst out laughing.

As usual I found myself.... a seat...amongst them.... and we all start laughing on God knows what.... :) and then we all, together, crib about our college rules, procedures.... and sounding like a complete revolutionary... take oaths to bring about a change.

Proud of being a "Media Student", there was always a feeling of being able to control and change a lot of things around us....but that was not just a belief... We did change many things.... like syllabus, teachers, rules... Well almost everything :)

I lived a very different life, with my class being my company and my room mates being my family. With all my friends I have laughed, cried and played along united. It was a journey that was too small, but those were the only days, when every day I died to live more :)

Every day was a new challenge to accomplish and those 2 years were a total roller coaster ride. That mid night P K's addressals used be a nightmare... but today they form the most precious spheres of my life.

Those never ending Production and Accounts classes..... Oh! God I just never bothered to attend those... dreadful classes....those sweet nothings at the Chinese Stall.... I so much still miss it all.

As usual attending those classes... and sometimes just whiling away time.... all the friends sat and talked about what they wanted to be in future... Chetan always said... he would be the creative Guru... and Tejas the retail tycoon... Amzath promised to re- invent Management fundas and Deepti just wanted to rule the Cop COM world.... Anushree wanted to write some of those creative jingles....Meeta was the head of the 'PR SAHELI' group, Arindom.... just dint want to do anything... He also wanted to make... dirty films... starring Sayantani.... :) and we all would just laugh at all these plans all evening through.
Believe me... If we once again sat together, we would still have some weird plans for our lives.

Every Day had a joke to laugh on.... a good deed to cherish and a pain to kill.... :) Simply an experience of a life time. As the night fell, we would be found in various restaurants dining and chatting. To explore the city we would travel to unknown places and food joints... just to find some familiar faces to ask that stupid question. “Hey! What are you doing here?" as if only they could get adventurous in life.... :)

Those last minute expensive parties.... and the crazy dance on summer of 69.... It was a song we related to the most... and we still wonder.... what else this song could possibly mean to us..... apart from our happy days together... :) The pulse of love.... would hold every heart close.... and it would only be love that would shine in that atmosphere in the end.... There was a protective arm to guard and an innocent heart to care......at the end of it all....the smiling faces could never fade!

I could never dare to end this story... I just can't.... because this story has no end.... it still goes on in our lives... in its own silent ways.... it still rules a part of us all.... because we left a bit of us behind in those lanes... were we walked, talked and laughed together.....

We left a bit of ourselves at every twinkle of the star we saw together.... at every party we danced to and at every memory we cherish more than anything else in our lives.....

It is still a cold winter morning... but I don't walk up those familiar stairs anymore... have no one familiar to greet me... in fact...I wouldn’t even look around.... Now I just walk... and walk endlessly........... but when I look within... I could still laugh at those jokes.... and shed endless tears on that love...... :)

Wishful

In the trust of being spared from all the mortal toil, every human in pain wakes up fresh in the morning, with a motive to make a difference.... somewhere...

I Want to L I V E.....

Every one really wishes to live.. no matter what goes on in their lives... Imagine a deer running for his life every day so that it could be alive for that 1 extra day.... for that 1 extra hour.... :)

Even in an asylum or a jail... people want to live.... Even the poorest of the poor want to live...even in a jungle as tribals... people want to live... Just for a better life tomorrow, hopeful people want to live...for the love of being alive people want to live.... for that quest to know the unknown... people want to live!!!

All living beings want to live... by giving their own favourite excuses...to be left alive.... :)

Move............

"MOVE ON" , I hear this word more often than I hear my name..... :)

HOW LONG DO YOU WISH TO STICK AROUND?

Hey stranger... how long do you wish to stick around? What are you really trying to discover.

The World's an enigma... a puzzle so complex... with people so complex... with beliefs so complex... with myths that just breaks away every bit of reality...with so different thinking...How long do you really wish to stick around?

Not that if you wish longer, will you be able to tame...discover and understand all these things. But then again... if you don't wish to be here... you could really be somewhere else...or just nowhere!

Why is one's misery the other person's pleasure...like... some one may be sacked… And you could be hired... like some one may dump you... to be with some one else... its all so weird... but cannot be tamed.

If you chose to cause no pain... and then just walk by... you may still find an injured heart... and the reason for injury will be you. Then again how long would you really like to stick around...?

Justifying every little that you live for yourself, stating you were just meaning to be a little relaxed... and then would you mange to prove yourself... not all that selfish... coz you bothered to think for yourself too...?

Not to trust... what people bring to you... Not to trust how they look like... Not to trust what they may say or mean... then again... trust every one... because you chose to Live....

Every time you are there... and there for good... makes you feel more like a duty... and when you think you cant be there, it seems more of a crime... Is it really a crime... you ponder over all night... But then again... how long would you want to stick around?

Walking on the road... with zillions... and some just walk away and some just stop by... and some just cause pain... Who exactly would you stick on to? Who exactly do you call your own?

Ruled by the poison of change...nothing seems caged in your past... and nothing seem to be wanting to stay by in your future... then again... Freedom is sweeter to all.... but you need to know.... How long would you really want to stick around?

Not that if you wish longer, will you be able to tame...discover and understand anything. But then again... if you don't wish to be here... you could really be somewhere else...or just nowhere!

SO STRANGEEEEEE...................

There are people who look at you so intensely like they can read what your heart says, that they can see the pain, agony and happiness. Like they can see exactly how you feel... like you know less and they know more... Like they are just so busy judging everything you say and do... Its strange when things get so analytical... when every smile is questioned and every statement is marked in red.... :)

Who cares really... to speak just the right words and to be your right self all the time... I can't. I am careless... I am harrod... I say weird things, things I don't mean... some one may ask something... But I may be lost in my World...I Don't want to be judged.. Don't want to be looked at like that... Don't want any one to try to figure me out... and want the World to JUST let me BE.

People come to Go....

Not very often do I realize this, but somewhere I feel, when I do, that it gets lonely sometimes in this World.

Usually surrounded with friends and loved ones, I don't always realize this very often. As life always gives you your solemn moments to realize what you need to in your life. But then again, you can always choose to be an escapist or can also think about facing it.

I have learnt to face it. It was a regular Sunday, and I wanted to go for a movie. Asked a few friends, but realized that their better halves kept them busy, so some time for friends was not a good idea. It is shocking when you suddenly realize that your so called best friend cannot be with you, because she has other priorities. I could not go for the movie.

I don't know, if I would have done the same thing if I were in their shoes... but people have their lives to live... and it is no where close to the life that I live. I live for my friends, but in reality my friends live for some other important people in their lives!

I think I spent a lifetime walking with some people through thick and thin, but those people have walked ahead and far off. That is when I realized, that I am not covered with friends... I am almost alone.

Make believing that friends will always be there no matter what.... and also that every promise made during college days in awe of friendship would be kept. That I would be sheltered by their love. But in and outside, I have managed to make a mockery of it all!

Don't mistake this to be a sad tale of my life. It is a realization... that in the end of it all.... An individual is alone... every one is alone.... in life you walk in and walk out alone, people's presence in life is more of a comfort for the time being... because different people may be there at different times to fill in…but only for sometime. May be they have their own reasons to be with you. The reason could be anything… class notes, emotional help, time pass etc…

Being emotional and holding onto things does not really help, because people come to go. It is important to hold this in mind… it is important to live for yourself. Ultimately the only person who will remain common between yesterday and today is YOU.

Being alone helps. I have learnt it in my own way…. And there are people in your life who will teach it to you… every now and then.

This does not mean that you don’t hold any one close to your heart and look at every one with a sour feeling. What it does mean is to just accept this as it is.

Come on, there will be a time when I may meet some one like me… and then there would be no goodbyes…. How wishful… but what is life without a hope for a better tomorrow :)