The change.

The breeze was at its nastiest best and her hair continued to be out of control. By the sea, she stood alone, late at night, looking at the sky. She wore a white gown, and she let the sand touch it, soil it, add its own color to it. Everything around her seemed to be having a conversation and she on the other hand was silent. She is used to coming to this place often. For peace, for freedom and to witness the romance of the sea and the moonlight. 

She loved freedom, because it never came easy. She often greeted it with a flirtatious smile. And then craved for it all the time.

She loved to travel, and was addicted to change. She could just about go anywhere alone. She pretended to need no one, and be perfectly happy with her nomadic life. Like an aimless kite, she would fly away. Travel, explore and discover. With a smile on her face, she would be one with nature. She had chosen this life for herself. She liked being lost. She was lost.

Lost is denial, lost in dreams and everything void of reality. She never understood rules, regulations, may be she just never wanted to. She was careless. She was carefree. She was free.

Why would she even care about anyone anyway? Her childhood found maturity rule over it. She learnt to be a lady before she could be a girl. She learnt to let go before she could ever have anything to hold on to. She was a slave. A slave to her wishes. A slave to love. A slave to his love. And he, was a player.

He loved her, or may not. But he showed it more often than said it. He would kiss her goodnight, every night. Stay by her side. Let her be and be with her. Be away and be with her. Be together and be with her. He was a charmer. And she just knew how to love. He knew what she liked. She knew how he liked it. He knew how to fake it. And she never learnt to read it. Together they sang melodies of love.

He came like breeze from no where, and settled in even before she knew, he was a part of her life. He was an achiever, but only in her eyes. He had an intoxicating smile, and a towering personality. He was simple, yet complicated. He was true, yet a liar. He was intelligent, yet a pretender. He was a perfectionist and yet so messed up. He loved himself the most. And she loved him the most.

The love tale lasted 5 years. She changed. He changed. She changed for him. He changed for him too. She gave all she had. He took all she had. Shared they nothing, yet, everything.

Like a fleeting moment, she knew it was time. One fine day, she got up and walked away. He waited all evening, but he was alone. He waited all night, but he was alone. He waited for 2 years, and alone.

The change he brought in her, let her go away from him. She suddenly realized freedom. She was free. Free of him, free of his memories, free of expectations. And he was free too.

She stops by the sea often, to witness the romance of the moonlight and the sea, still passes a silent smile and makes an innocent wish, at every shooting star. He taught her independence, freedom, and to love herself. He learnt nothing, gave nothing and missed everything. Above all, he missed himself the most.

Chance.

A clean page, and anxious words.        
Romance gives it color.
Hopeful, hopeless in love.
A dream, a deed, a commitment, a betrayal.

The words, her lips.
The passion in the way she says it.
Helpless and strong,
He believes, feels, experiences.

Sung, unsung the distant melodies.
Pain, pleasure all at one.
She will, She will not.
He will, He will not.
Live it through.

Mind in a storm,
Peaceful, loud, lost.
Careful & generous at the same time.
Sure and confused too.

Her smile, his fodder.
Her wish, his destiny.
Her fears, his struggle.
Her love, his responsibility.
Her faith, his belief.
And she, his story.

The first step,
The last one.
To begin,
Not to end.
Let love, get a chance.

She agrees, disagrees.
Knows and forgets.
She fears, and dwells.
Gives in, gives up.
Understands, questions.
Speaks up, remains silent.

The moment,
A lifetime.
The first step,
Towards forever,

Begins and Ends. 

Forever tale

Her happiness. That's what he asked for. 'Given' is what she said. He sat there in front of her for a few minutes in shock. He kept looking at her. Staring into her face. Like he was looking at a stupid in love sitting there. But she could not care. Her eyes were wide. Her curly hair messy. Her black gown fit her just too well. And she looked fearless. Her lips dry, her confidence on a high. She looked at him with euphoria in her eyes. 

For a bit, he got lost. As if he was juggling between the right and the wrong. In his head, he took steps forward and backwards many a times. He looked silent, but was busy talking to self. His tall personality, could never hide the innocence he held in his dark brown eyes. His grey coat still looked prim and proper, and his hair so well groomed. That was his style. But he was lost. Lost in time. Lost in words. Lost in her eyes. 

Suddenly the door slammed cos of the wild wind outside. I think it is going to rain she said. I don`t know he replied. She looked at the man, who she believed knew it all. She then whispered, I was talking about the rain! 

He suddenly got up and left the room in silence. Her eyes followed him till the end, he did not look back. She knew he was gone.

Two months later, she woke up to a loud sound of lightening, and it rained. She got out into the terrace, drenched herself and cried. She said to herself, I hope you know I am waiting.

Four years passed. She hadn't heard from him. In her heart she knew she was waiting. She knew he had gone only to return. Suddenly she hears the door bell ring. She gets a courier. The letter was addressed to her and was from him. The pages were plenty, but empty. He has nothing to say. Even after four years, he has nothing to say? she shouted to herself in loneliness. 

Her happiness is what he had asked for, and 'given' is what she had said. She could not go back on her words. And he could not come back to her. 

Six years, two months later. She woke up to a beautiful sunny day. She hadn't forgotten about him but promised to never look back that way. She looked out of her window, which opened into the green mountains. She knew, she was some where else. Her memory was leaving her. And she was letting it go. She hung her hair from the window, and let the sun kiss her face. She smiled to herself and then cried. She felt lost, more than ever. 

Suddenly she hears the door bell ring. She expects no one. And nothing. Very reluctantly she opens the door. No, it wasn't him. It wasn't even the courier. It was a small boy holding up a rose. She smiled and asked about his whereabouts. The little boy said I am back. She was surprised and shocked at the same time. Who was that child? and where was he back from? The little boy said, your happiness is all he asked for, and I know your answer was 'given'. 

Shell shocked, she runs to her beloveds house only to learn he was lost during the war. The army couldn't find their fellow soldier, to bring him back home. The little boy was his brother, who lived with him. 

They both walked back together. She wasn't sad. She was happy. Someone suddenly killed her loneliness, she was glad the boy was related to him.

Today, while she continues to bring up his brother, in her heart she waits for him. She knows he will be back, some how. And the door bell rings....

She had her ways.

He sat there in silence. Like a storm had just kissed him. He was less silent more still. His eyes spoke a story which his dry lips could never narrate. His hair seemed rough and scattered. That was never his style. There was an open  book on the table, of which the wind generously blew away the pages.

His silence now started to trouble her. And she asked the obvious. He looked at her and then looked away. She was at her patient best. She went in and came back with some coffee. He looked at her again only to look away.

While she placed one mug on the table and held the other. She looked concerned. He then dug himself into the book lying on the table and stopped by a page.

He looked at her. She looked back attentively. He put before her a line written by his beloved. He found that book years after her death. The lines read,"for every time you lay in silence, remember I will come to you in the warmth of that sunlight. And if it ain't sunny, remember me as a beam in that sparkling night."

They both sat quiet starring at the sky. It was a sunny day and after a while he said," those were her last words for me, and I find them today, on a sunny afternoon so bright". She knew not what to say. She could feel his pain. She gave him a warm hug.

When he tried to embrace it he found himself alone in the balcony. He then in a deep voice said,"and she had her strange ways".

Water

She thought they had abandoned her & dried away. Things, would just pierce her heart and move on. As moist as her eyes looked, they weren't.

In his name, she knew they will return. And in abundance. She knew they will not come alone. They will bring along the pain she continues to push behind.

She knew, it might feel light having them around, but she feared being left with a heavy heart, long after they are gone.

She still suppresses the pain. And does not think of him. She still chooses to keep them away from her eyes. They often make them look moist. But she hasn't felt water. Its been a while. A worth while.

Maturity.

Shattered. Numb. Indifferent.

Real. Defied. Accepted.

Fall. Walk. Lay.

Smirk.Experience.Grey.

Sing. Dance. Dance. Watch.

Crib. Cry. Listen.

Share. Express. Hide.

Friendly. Selective. Loner.

Burn. Dwell. Let go.

Observe. Assume. Know.

Seek. Grant. Endure.

Learn. Teach. Learn.

Witness. Witnessed. Perish.

Look up to. Look Down Upon. Respect.

Deny. Accept. Ignore.

Deceive. Believe. Mature.

Calling Upon.

I stare at my phone, sometimes for hours together. There are times when I know who to call and dial the number. There are times when in spite of having 500 contacts on my phone I call no one. Very diligently I scroll through the names, one by one and sometimes in great speed. Very softly I stop by a few, read the names and then the numbers and move on. These are the times when I know I need to talk to myself and the fact I don't come on the contact list.

I often grow silent to myself and do the in tuned things to my best. I run away from the burn out and quietly tuck away the cribs of my heart. I feel some thing within me needs my attention. And I look at my phone for hours together and don't know who to call.

Here and there.

She calls me,

Sometime in a sweet voice.

She winks carefully,

Yet, generously.

My faith in life,

Springs, turn and upturns.

And I know,
At the end, there is still more to come.

I want.

The universe shouts around me.
Explains am lost.
Everything seems to be having an identity here.
Some uncommon, some known to all.

The uncommon die,
Leaving a few bleeding hearts.
The known live,
Forever, somewhere.

I don`t want to be immortal.
But I want to be known.
As the one who made a difference.

My wealth shall be the people,
Who love me.
My glory shall be in the times,
I stood up for some one.

My deeds shall be remembered,
As the ones, that brought another life.
I want to be remembered,
Like that insane memory,
That refuses to decay.

I don`t wish to fill,
Pages of some popular history book.
I do wish to fill,
Some hearts with my thoughts.

I want to be remembered,
For everything I wasn't.
I want to be cherished,
For this emotional heart.

I want to be known,
For the words I spoke.
I want to be connected,
Long after I am gone.

Tomorrow.

There is a tomorrow,

Am unable to describe.

It lies in front of me.

Seeks attention, desperately.

The time is slipping.

So is my life.

The shades are getting darker.

The light, brighter.

Far away somewhere,

It seems there is more.

Gives a hazy picture, 

Milky white in color.

I feel blind.

Sometimes, even deaf.

Beyond that familiar horizon, 

Beyond those common smiles,

Beyond those heartaches,

Beyond You,

There is something waiting,

Just for me.

Shining sometimes, 

Shy to the core,

It flirts with my mind.

It hints a surprise.

Oh! colorful flowers, of tomorrow.

I love my today.

But I can't wait,
To have you around. 

Show up.

Yes, you have my attention now!