Saturday, October 13, 2007

Life with 'was'...

People suffer from various disorders, but I suffer from a Compulsive Writing Disorder. It seems that I have developed this because of my undying urge to express. Writing is a hobby. But writing also gives me peace.

I have just too many elements of "WAS" (were) in my life... Lot of things were beautiful and many worth reliving. But the question is why some people chose to better forget their past or dig it deep inside their hearts.

Some past hurts, when discussed it hurts more. My father has always been in a transferable job, so the frequency of things getting piled up, as past were more. And may be, just may be I have a longer past. Lot of things happened in that little time.

They say the only constant is change, no matter how much I hate this; it has been more than true in my life. I have never been able to live a happy or sad moment for a long enough time. It has all been so fast.

A dancer, A lover of art, Traveling queen, Enthusiast, in love with life... all these form my 'was'. Yes, I would like to believe that nothing really is lost, but that would be a lie. Every city I traveled to, I lost a bit of me there...for eg: In Chennai it was the innocence...In Pune it was the attitude...etc. but when I sit and think, I realize I lost a bit of me everyday!

What have I become today is not important. What I was is also not really important. But what is funny is, that something that formed today, changed to my so called past in a few seconds. I am quite emotional, so this transition has not really been that welcomed by me. But yes, I have lived it all.

Is today my ‘Now’? May be till the storm is silent! They say don't laugh a lot, you might have to pay the same off with tears... if this rule works vice- versa... then I am quite at an advantage. But yes, it is difficult to forget the 'was'. Perhaps it will always remain a part of me...dug somewhere...unshaken...but unforgotten.

How does it matter really? Ultimately I have changed a lot...may be for the better, may be for the worst...but the inevitable... has happened.... I am still losing a bit of me everyday!

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