The Silent Sweet wave

If he could burn,

Basis someone`s sweet will,

Insignificant he would be.

For his actions speak:

The one defeated by perceived power

Is the one who forgot to acknowledge his own.

For the greatness lies in him,

Greater than any intellectual being.

Greater there has ever been.

He could speak the difficult with ease

Fearlessly say what he really feels.

For his power lies in his emotional heart,

The heart no one cared to see.

For he fights silently,

The wars unknown.

He fights within,

Often alone.

Who can challenge defeat?

To a truth like him.

Could power conceal?

The fire he holds beneath.

He smiles like a winner,

At self defeat.

Knowing there are greater battles,

To be won in the court of the Omnipresent.

He shines as a winner,

Yet, untouched by greed or hate.

Like a humbled soul,

Like a silent sweet wave.

War to defeat

The war of power,

the secret of fame,

the mist of dust,

lying hollow after the game!

The words of the leader,

the faith of the followers

the inevitable by the thinkers

..and the forsaken believers..

The unknown missions,

the insignificant know hows...

the paramount missing,

the story covered.

Hidden, protected, larger than life,

the miscellaneous, the unwanted, expressed...

Let the people burn, and we will say its love...

the theme of most stories,

the anthem of many disasters.

Simple, only the unaware innocent,

complex only the misfortune

Simple only the destruction

complex only to undo!

Love, put to shame,

love demeaned...

love flows down the eyes,

of those who receive!

The war of power,

the power so short lived!

The war of glory,

the glory, defeated by death!

The war to acquire,

nothing in the house of God!

The war to defeat,

defeat self, in the one fortunate, human birth!

The Chosen One

It has become so difficult to write anything. I guess my words have begun to fail me. Haven't been so silent before, silent to myself to begin with. I think I have stopped talking to myself, the usual fight of what I am, and what should be... haven't felt so speechless and inexpressive.

A single life shows you everything that you could think of.. everything you thought is not for you.. everything you thought you never deserved or may be you did! One single life with so many changes, complex situations, challenges, unchanged damages, broken dreams and the wild wants...One life to live it all and a lifetime to deal with.

I don't know where in this maze am I stuck... I don't think I even care to know now.. How does it matter, I feel stuck anyway! Everyone dreams of a perfect life.. a perfect memory a perfect moment.. what about those who don't dream of any of that? Someone like me, who wanted to live with surprises.. ya even the nasty ones..

I think when you don't dream of your prefect life, you may end up attracting more nasty than good surprises.. or may be you pass through the heaviest fire because you become the chosen one...ya right "The Chosen One".

So who is this chosen one.. and why is he the chosen one? No, i am not going to bestow some gyan of positivism.. I wish I was that positive to have any such gyan to emit. Or may be not.. I don't really need to be so idealistic anyway.

Chosen one becomes the one who sees his life twist and change every moment, with no happiness to stay longer, or sadness to end soon. Chosen one becomes the person who strives to make a difference everyday, and fails to make any. Or, feels hasn't made any.

He becomes the person who expects a lot from his own self. Hard work, harder effort, genuine feelings become his conscious traits. And the harder he works, the longer it takes for him to reap the fruits. The harder he strikes, the chances of his failure increase.

The chosen one, sleeps every night, hoping for a better tomorrow, after having pondered over enough about the present and the past. He strives to fight every battle he has to undertake, with self or others. He tries to live, to love, like the first time ever, every time... he says what he feels and feels what he says.. he think to talk and sometimes thinks after talking :)

For the many things he feels he has done just perfect, end up featuring in the list of mistakes in his life... for every moment of passion he expresses in the name of belief, faith or love.. feature as illogical in the list of many.

The chosen one, can live in the name of love, can give all he has.. in the same sinful name of love.. can lose all he ever possessed or gain everything he never wanted.. he lives for what his heart makes him feel... mind does not take the lead.. mind does not take nothing.. :) or may be.. sometimes.. something!

The little wish of heart, ends up becoming his reason to live.. the smile of someone important, becomes his agenda.. falls asleep, dreaming he lived his happiness, in the happiness of his beloved and sheds tears over his beloved's sadness.. he is one with people.. his vision can penetrate, deeper.. he can see, what others don't or what others don't want to... He says the heartfelt..

No doubt the chosen one goes through the roughest touch of God, destiny and ill fate at times, but he still wishes to live that beautiful life with surprises.. ya the nasty ones too..

Sometimes, in my solemn heart I feel, I am the chosen one.. sometimes.. in your solemn heart, you may feel that you are the chosen one too..... the fact remains.. that the chosen one passes through the heaviest fire, runs through the worst, in others vocabulary... in his own.. its just his life.

Safely dug somewhere are his dreams.. his child like tales and his silly imperfections.. may be it is this cocktail, that makes a chosen one... may be it is this undying need to be alive that makes a chosen one... may be it is his failures and his constant effort to strive hard, that makes the chosen one... yes, that same you.. and that same me, make the chosen one!

Sometimes...

Sometimes I feel that I have forgotten my own self... :-(

My take on conversations..

May be a conversation is not worth it, if it requires a whole lot of one sided effort...

Amaze

In this mystified amaze,
A unanimous will at gaze,
Sources of art at display.
The moment of each wave
Splashed at the shore of mind.

The black doors are far,
The frame to exhibit a power.
Running away in the wild,
Each spirit of the Might.
The glass to be clearly...
Deceptive in real.

Ask the carefree world around.
The reason for each deed.
The innocent to suffer,
The fraud to gain.
To real to destroy,
The fake to retain.

Chemistry of life,
Sequenced to shame.
Reasons unknown,
Why do we suffer?
When we are the only true.

The art of FAKEISM,
Is at display....
Come and take your pick....
Don't gaze at it with AMAZE!

THE GAME

Volcano eruption,
Heat tamed,
Names disclosed,
Teams made.
The massacre will speak,
The moment will hear,
Signature the world,
Let me dare!
Kings will rule?
Only time to teach.
Hell will win...
To the unknown game!
Death is truly,
The end unbelieved.
The sane lips swallow...
The smiles in pain.
Let the bell swing,
And bless the time.
Let all bare their deeds,
And get paid well in time!
Gravity rules...
The shocks decay!
There is no room for speech
SHUT UP and PLAY
The GAME of DEEDS.

Offer

Wish to define,
Something you and me feel.
Sensitive hearts,
Believe every story!
When did I not see,
What myth was shown?
I lived to believe,
Believe the unimaginable.

Today, when I realize...
Defeated, cheated and torn,
I feel quite lost...
What better a maze could be?

Questioning my intelligence,
Everything around me,
I survived every shock,
Felt the pain!

Scared and frightened
I tried to hide the guilt,
But...
The shame still found me...

Wiping every ones dust,
Left me so impure and unclean,
When asked for help,
Dust was offered to me.

They say 'HE' died for us,
And made everything sweet...
The nectar I haven't felt yet,
I truth I can't believe.

Ditched at, every step I took,
Bow more, than I rise,
I am every human in pain....
I am every you and me!!!

Lost

The pages I turn,
Answer no life!
The day slips by....

Mind showing me the way
To a distant blue path
Feel it sinking in the skin,
The innocent desires.

Soft music,
Roaring the far gone melodies,
For the sun sets today...
Tomorrow?

Missing the inside of me...
Blunder, I can't believe,
The silver beam,
Looking at the dark cloud.

Safe somewhere dug,
Unwind, uncoil,
The storm I see....
Surrendering....

Put through the heaviest fire....
Taking away the blame...
I burn not to give light...
........Darkness my friend....
Help me pass by.....

I see...

I see what the world shows. I weep at what the world does. I am the witness of many Yesterdays and Todays.

I see love, I see the hate... Sometimes I look in amaze with a twinkle. Sometimes I shy away...Sometimes I see the belongingness, and sometimes, just the sense of detachment.

I have seen dear dreams come true, in a shattered manner. I have seen it all.....

Sometimes, I rest to sleep, for comfort and peace. Her mind keeps me boggling, of all the pain She feels... She prays to Lord for justice....

I see.... I still see it all.....

Cancerian.....

They say you are sensitive...

You are productive and creative,

You cry a lot,

N' think it's just nothing that you've got!

You love to be pampered...

Quite tough to be tangled!

You bid for sympathy...

You're loved enough.....but still find scarcity...

Words can get you to smile,

N' coz eyes with tears....

It takes no time for you to forget and gear.

They say, you live in a dreamland

And don't quite belong to planet earth :p

No one alive could ever guess your moods,

Sometimes you cry, sometimes you smile,

Sometimes about your past you brood...

You're mysterious,

Quite like being secretive...

When life gets real,

You tend to be positive.

You save every emotion

With sensitive value...

You just can't stand being....

Rejected, criticized and hate ridicules...

You are in love with the moon,

N' quite act according to its phase....

Having you around,

Is a boon, which stays!

They say, they could never guess

What was I to believe...?

Hey! but I am just a Cancerian...

Yet, unrevealed!

Again?

Life is all about meeting all the people you want to forget...over and over again.

Arranged

Love me, for what I may not be, judge me, for what may be your perception!
Leave me, for no sin... yea; it is to do with you, not with me....
Patterns in this jigsaw puzzle, all disjoint, but relevant... simple, but indirect, real but deceptive!
Truth love is immortal, Reality, all love does not meet completion...
Truth, it is imperative, Reality, it dwells with time....
A hundred wishes, a hundred incomplete.... a simple acceptance... the world of love....
Yes, it is arranged... a weird risk... a unique exploration.
Be afraid of the deep river, or take that first dive... live with the inhibitions, or open up to a whole new world...
Smiles and giggles are here to stay,the warmth of love would not decay!
Take the leap, give it a chance....at least, you'd know, you gave it your best shot... :-)

Desire

A world waits for the world unknown...
That stupid little thing your heart has known :-)
A sweet desire, for someone desirable...
A complete nothing of that silence...

Sugar yet poisonous, that undying hope....
Hope to live each moment so sweet...
Special yet general, simple yet complicated
Desires, of this solemn heart... :-)

Spinning by the truth of time....
Every fulfilled wish wants more..... more of what is absent....
Untouched by contentment,
There is always something to wish for.....
The broken castles don't have any morals well learnt.... :-)

Gripped in the want for newness.....
Locked in the beautiful past...
Stuck in the upcoming future.....

The circus of life goes on.....
The artists cry and make merry....
Form associations and part...
Some have changed some forever....
Some have remained some bits together...

The desire for the unknown prevails.....
Winding and unwinding, the life moves on.....
With something new to wish for everyday.....
Sugar yet poisonous the undying hope, I tell you :-)

What's Up???

What's up?
What could be?
May be a nothing...
May be a :-)
May be a surprize...

But, when we ask
Do we reallllly want to know?
Do we wish to listen, actually :-)
May be sometimes,
But may be not!

Best things in life, are never shared...
The worse are also hidden...
What are we then trying to find out anyway???
Dry sarcastic humour... over the nothings of life?
Or a window into someones heart?

Does anyone really know you?
Do you really know someone?
May be you do, at least that is what you`d like to believe :-)
May be not, perhaps, that is the real truth of the matter!

Everything beautiful around us, is yet to be born...
What are these relations for then anyway?
Why us being a 'social animal' our truth...?
Why talking to someone, becomes a habit.. a cute little habit?
:-) its so funny, because life is such a perishable journey...
Moments are just dying to end....

What are these associations for....
Why do we meet... to part.. or part to meet, perhaps...
In spite of knowing nothing, we still form attachments....
Some last for a lifetime, some perish with time...unfortunately thou..

Nothing is permanent,
It's funny, we step into everything, knowing it is permanent...
This conviction, for a myth... is certainly funny...
Make believing, that all's come to a stand still...
That one life, will suffice the lust to live...
That one life, will be complete, by the end of the story....
Stories, that are just that, stories.... :-)
And, reality is just that, a strangeee real thing!

But its nice the way we live,
Each day, in the most carefree way...
Its nice, we live, anyway :-)
With the mountain of sorrows, and a glimpse of happiness...
Its nice, the way we talk... and share...
Well, almost nothing! :-)

So, lets begin with... What's up....
I genuinely want to know ..... I swear ;)

PEACE

Foresee the dark reality,
Defy unseen, strange, surprises....
Spend a lifetime waiting for it,
Live a life, for love, that love....
Fill the life with several things u`ll forget,
Make moments, you'll die to remember...
For the sun still shines,
Leaves brightened, the little life...
Morning dew, looks like a tear....
Like, someone has cried the heart out...
It still is beautiful; it still has that unknown pain!
Prospective, a depreciating asset,
I see, what you don't....
The window with a hazy view of something....
A window, into your heart....
A nothing, in a little prayer,
Something, for the solemn being....
Peace, be by me, peace let the candle burn....
For the moments, I stay calm,
the moments that are lost…
For the times, every wish attains defeat,
For the sake of this broken heart...
For the simple me, who remains unknown,
For the person, the world knows....
For the sake of Peace,
May be for the sake of love...
Peace, be by me!

A Wish

If you ask me, I have nothing to say...

The most unplanned, uncertain, deceptive truth
Living by the Sigmund of hope..
Hope... that is defeated every single day!

The closely shut door,
The blank stairs to the unknown..
The life just slides by..
With images unseen..

The comfort disturbs me..
The silence ignores me....
I stay unseen,
I stay unique...

In the midst of the sarcasm

The real story is formed...
In the nothing of everything...

The heart felt is spoken of...

Coiled in the grip of destiny
Unmoved and trapped...
Lies that little wish...
That sensitive little wish...
Shy and asleep.

Little has it seen the cruel world...
Little will it ever see...
As it chooses to be asleep...
For it is scared of the reality...

The sweet little wish is for me to keep...
Hidden somewhere within....
As beautiful as an innocent prayer...
As protected as in the womb...

It holds my reality,
That I despire...
It holds the childlike me...
In the purest form...

Sleep well dear wish,
This world is not for thee...
Lie safe in my heart...
Let peace be your reality...

The venom, may be bitter,
For you, I drink it all..
For you are my true identity...
For you are the Wish,
I love to die for!

A flower

Defeated, yet alive…
Living by the want for nothing, killing each will…
Nothing prevails in the heart, with the numbness of unfulfilled dreams…

Willing to surrender one life for love…
Surrendered that life, for the glimpse of true love!
That one faith seems faint...
That one life incomplete!

Inside the space of emptiness,
Resides that crumpled flower, who once wanted to live…
Insane in love, it lies there alone…
Untouched, ignored and forgotten…

Nothing could surpass destiny,
It says, " One day, she will shine for me…”
It waits, for the time to find it...
It looks at the shattered visage with hope...

In the solemn fate, it shouts…

Shelter me, for the wind is cold
Save me for the fire is on a roll…
Preserve me, for I am bruised
Find me, for the sake of love!!

Let the residue be…
Let this addiction remain…
Leave this feeling insane
For this flower, wishes to live once again…

The Real World....

I believe that there is a beautiful World out there... just waiting to be realized, filled with all the sweetness of honey, and freshness of the dew... Where the sun shines, with a smile to add that extra glitter, where every innocent wish is heard and completed...

A world that lets you be who you are, lets you realize the greatness within... with a spectacular smile that becomes a habit.... A place where there is nothing to worry about... and nothing to run away from... filled with the glory of happiness and unending contentment...

A little world that knows no boundaries... that understands no restrictions.... that understands only pure love and passion.... where a simple life begins to live each moment in time... where the beauty of the surroundings seems far more clear than the ugliness...

This world is waiting to be explored... the beauty awaits the eyes and the heart that can preserve it... this world is your own.... deeper somewhere, where nothing is right or wrong... where everything is beautiful and sweet... every innocent wish experiences completion...and every wound seems healed.

We search for happiness in others, waiting for some one to fill in the emptiness or perhaps the numbness of each feeling... but what we forget, is that world which lies within, waiting to be realized, that world of self and truth... the world where nothing matters, where only a little smile can cause immense pleasure...

Sometimes we see it, most of the times we ignore it... failure in life is temporary... what is permanent is this state of mind... that sees beauty in everything around... where red means love before danger... where good holds more importance over not so good...

Its the way we chose to see... its the time we take to recognize the greatness of self... it is that world we often come across, but seldom understand. It is the world of YOU… where your belief is the only that matter, where your perspective becomes the reality, where you chose to find peace in the most uncalled for situations…

It’s hard, it’s unbelievable, but it’s true…. There is a beautiful world out there, just waiting for you to realize!!

Empty

Shrunk in some random thoughts of a stark emptiness, where nothing exists… Where I live alone... its not that I really like it here… but it has become my home...

All that was to be, and what can be, is deep dug somewhere, where nothing matters, nothing ever did... were heaps lie endlessly, with no one to be by them...no one to go back and see them....

Sometimes I feel that I have dug myself too, in that same heap... in that same ideal space, where I read myself... where there is no one to look back and see....

Crowded world around me with endless loving tales...nothing to cause a smile...that could last forever...just a space, where I sit looking within... and sometimes I share... bits and parts... of the story called life!

Never was I to understand why what happens... and why what ever did... I have stopped asking anything... but I have not stopped thinking... I don't look at that closed door... but I try to wait for the light to shine...

Forgotten and taken as dead... my feelings remain alive...sometimes they look up with hope... but then accept the residue as home... fighting everyday, for all that should be... and for all that cant be... makes them numb with time... who really likes to fight?

Running away from the real self... the self that is often unseen... unheard of... but alive! Don’t look back at those dusty pages... they have nothing you want to hear… or probably everything that you never heard. Closely stuck the book remains untouched... unseen… and clean...in spite of being in the dust...

No pain... no hurt... no expectations... just a deep dug alive thought, untouched... unaware... and seemingly dead... its not that I really like it here... but it has, become my home!!!!!!!

Show some love...

A good start... and then a shy smile... ok, a little undecided but nice...it is happening all together, leaving me happy and confused. Sometimes, I see there is nothing to see at all... and sometimes... I see that there is a lot left to explore. Life at every stage is full of pleasant and shocking surprizes.

Not that anything like that has happened to me today, this is just an after thought of 26 years of life... and yea, what a life :-) am sure any roller coster ride, could not have been as exciting... lol.

Gifted with a need to think and then to express, actually screws you up quite a bit... because the world always think that they know you... and can read up all you write, to know more about you, just in case.

Anyways, show some love, I am not too disoriented today ;-) I am sure, that feels good to read... lol.

UNANSWERED

Shall the truth remain such that it lives long enough, it really deserves to live? Will genuine efforts sustain all the tumors and the rain...will they still remain valid and unforgotten?

Not always do I question life, rather seek answers within, but sometimes you are forced to ask about this unanswered puzzle, knowing very well, that there are no answers at all. Why do we try to decipher the unknown or run behind the unattainable? It is rather silly... but strange... we all do it... knowingly!

An endless gloom grips, when you figure that it is a battle you fight with yourself when you stop by to answer all the 'why(s)' and ultimately feel defeated hands on.... I feel the same today. There is an urge to get my answers, but no one can really answer them. At such a platform of life, nothing really helps, not even your favourite astrology book :)

I guess I'll have to stay put, and wait till this feeling is dug deep enough to be forgotten... I ain't a loser... but what else can one possibly do. My dreams are wishful enough to see me happy when I am asleep.... but reality??? Well, reality is just so damn REAL..... :)

Is it???

There is no forever in this world... but sometimes you feel that a particular thing is lasting you forever... that is when you probably are really bored of it.. :)

IMMORTAL

The dance of joy, the prick of pain... everything seems so much synonym to life! The fresh baked cake's aroma... with a little chocolate mousse on a rainy day... so much similar to life! The immature arguments and the never ending love tales... in just the perfect manner with all the imperfect things....


The you and me... together... the us of the one life we live... still living some weird individual lives... the nothings by the moonlight... and the trance by the sunlight... never wanting to wake up to the sweetest dream of - what could be.... forgetting the - what is....


The unseen mysteries... along with a winter fog drive, the long - long drive leading just no where... Sweet words of love and compassion... and the sweet smell of the little budding flower around.... The tears on every little hurt and the dew on that little twig...


I see my life swing in everything around me... with all the good and ugly... sweet and sour.... just so naturally occurring everyday..... Making some bit of everything so immortal.... and insane...

WINTERS

Winters winters.... and more to come... freezing is this World of glory... There is nothing more frozen than the surroundings.... just a warm heart spared to greet... ;)

It has been beautiful for a change when everything seems to have come to a stand still... everything looks frozen... just when your mind feels... what if moments could be frozen... i would have frozen all the best ones I ever had.... the unforgettable could be frozen and embedded in the frame of life forever....

There is nothing more volatile than life, when everything seems to be slipping away.... as we grow we realize that it is all fading eventually.

Not to add any gloom to my super frozen thought....i see all cuddled beings around me... be it birds or people... every one seem to be having their own sweet little winter melody!

I wish just like the season... relationships could be frozen, lives could be frozen... to create an unseen bond. Life would be merry then... course there could be a tinge of newness, there could be a spice of refreshment.... but with some frozen forevers....... :)

Winters..... Could you please??

OBSERVATION....

An Observation : Every time I say a weird sounding Hello! on the phone, it is always someone important calling me..... :O like Boss, Corporates.... etc.. :(

And then I get to hear an apprehensive voice saying..... "ahhh Can I speak to Geetanjali?"

:D "Ahh well.... Speaking"... is what they get back from me.... :)

Some people cannot believe that I can sound so weird, So they even care to confirm... "Is is really Geetanjali????"

Alas! .... ya it is very much me, just acting normal... for a change.... ;)

HUMAN

"Woh Insaan he kya jo badal jaaye".... and this I say with pride and shame... Pride because I have not changed, but shame because people around me have changed.

I have always been a person who spoke my heart. Who said what I felt and did what I wanted to, without hesitating or making it sound diplomatic. I am proud, of being this way.

People have hated and loved this behaviour. But you know what, it is very difficult to call a spade a spade. It is difficult to be a straight talker and to be bold to say things exactly the way they are.

I am proud that I can speak my heart, and that I have not changed this about me. And all those people who are like me, and who feel that this world will not accept them for who they are, then listen up.... people will accept you as you are, if you accept yourself as you are first.

It is not important to be perfect, it is not important to be right... but it is important to be true and more important to be honestly bold. There is not anything in this world that can take away who you are from you.... apart from your own self.

It just takes a minute to say nice things, things that people like to listen, things that are sweet. But it takes courage to say the truth and truth could be bitter or sweet.

A human being is known as a superior race, because we can feel the other living beings pain too. It has just so happens that people usually ignore that, and become so self - centered, that they can’t see the other person's pain. Even animals can and empathize with the other animal/ human's pain... and we the seemingly superior race, are today defeated!

There is nothing left in this World, and nothing will be even in the future, if we change and run away from our basic nature of being superior. Decay will also not hold us worthy. It is thus important to rise. Rise above all the odds and live life for others too. It is paramount to be a human first.... a human filled with humanity....

In the house of God, every one is paid for all the good and bad. And I have seen it happening in my life. I have seen people paying for their deeds. But this is not a reason or a threat for us to do something good. It is for ourselves we need to rise!

Rise my friends.... Rise to be human.... and Rise to be who you are.... there is nothing else that could be more important. Stand up for everything that is important for you...the ones who don't, dissolve in this rat race... and the ones who do... rise to be true humans.

Courage - is in the blood of every Indian, but it’s just that we have forgotten it, or have dug it deep inside. But courage is the only fuel to be who you really are. It takes courage to stand against something.... its always easier to be with the flow. But then again... if you chose to do anything, you do it for yourself... for your superior human race who can think and conquor!

Nothing

Haven't written anything from some time, not that nothing has happened... but just generally sometimes you don't want to say anything, you just want to look around and observe the pace of the World. Sometimes you just don't know what to write as well, because with time you learn to become numb to what happens around you.... and even to what happens to you.

This is one such time. I see all but don't react; it is a state of self peace, where I don't wish to be heard. When there seems nothing left to lose, and nothing to achieve.... think I am growing old before my time... :)

Saving up to explode? Maybe not.... a little to myself and lost in the world of the never ending gloom. Not really sad.... but just simply Numb!

A hello from Heaven!!!!

It was a bright winter morning, and the birds were twittering with a shiver... I woke up to the music of silence... just to find another long day....

Poetic enigma got me to think... what would have been so terrible if I had a holiday... :) sorted my thoughts to prepare myself for another working day....

After singing all the goodbye songs... I parted with my bed... It's just so difficult to get up, when it is a cold winter morning!

On looking at the sky from my window, felt the freshness of the dew... and the aroma... of the wet soil and blossoming flowers :)

Why do people say.... that both heaven and hell is right here... and you may never have to wait long enough to die to reach either.... :) It almost felt like a little heaven in the morning! What is heaven in reality....?? I think it’s just a feeling of the ultimate blissful peace :)

Everything gets a life, when it comes in contact with its source. Similarly, my wind chime got its glory and produced a blissful music to add to the little heaven!

Who really would have loved to leave such a place and go to work?? But then again... work also has its own charm. And more so when you have chosen a career you always wanted to pursue. In my case it is advertising!

As I got to work, I thought, I must share my little heaven with the readers... while sipping over a coffee.

I feel we all do encounter some part of heaven, every now and then... It’s just that we need to realize its presence. Even in a shower of agony... heaven comes to drop a smile sometimes.... :)

We all try to search for peace outside... but peace is in the inside, when you become one with life and see that everything seems to be running away.... and it’s up to us to catch our share of that little bliss.... :)

Wake UP!!!! You too might find your little heaven.... just when you open that door.

Irony.........

One person's misery is some other person's pleasure....


Note: On reading this... some people thought that I am a sadist of some sort. Read between the lines please!

Sometimes.....

Sometimes its so easy.....and sometimes its just so difficult to live!

The not so comfortable Zone..... :)

It was a usual day... and I had the strange feeling… that I had felt before ... the slight nervousness and the uncomfortable numbness.... I sat by thinking... how it all will be....

Life first puts you through weird feelings and then also gives you enough reminders of the same... :) not that its very difficult to handle, but just an unusual feeling!

It is this constant fight with self, when one is to crawl out of the comfort zone... that slight unhappiness.... and the fear of the unknown... keeps us all away from what could be the best for us!

An open heart or an open mind.... cannot really dodge the fear of the unknown..... and those feelings so insecure, so worried and no unusual.....

Well, may be this is one way Life put us all through its favourite surprises of change!!!

A Part of ME.....

On a chilled winter morning, I reached the college on my black scooty... oh! God I was almost trembling with cold. Walked up those familiar stairs... and reached straight to the shop , for a coffee... after a sip, looked around to find my classmates... and as usual I saw them sitting on the 'Katta'.... same place... same thing... just sipping over some coffee and laughing at God knows what.... I walked towards them... and got a friendly greet... "Hey Gitsy, you look so zonked... have you come for the 7.00 am class....??? Well, as usual you are just about 3 hours late"... :) and me with my... typical self smiled and said.... “Aree Yaar, I just couldn’t get up", and every one just burst out laughing.

As usual I found myself.... a seat...amongst them.... and we all start laughing on God knows what.... :) and then we all, together, crib about our college rules, procedures.... and sounding like a complete revolutionary... take oaths to bring about a change.

Proud of being a "Media Student", there was always a feeling of being able to control and change a lot of things around us....but that was not just a belief... We did change many things.... like syllabus, teachers, rules... Well almost everything :)

I lived a very different life, with my class being my company and my room mates being my family. With all my friends I have laughed, cried and played along united. It was a journey that was too small, but those were the only days, when every day I died to live more :)

Every day was a new challenge to accomplish and those 2 years were a total roller coaster ride. That mid night P K's addressals used be a nightmare... but today they form the most precious spheres of my life.

Those never ending Production and Accounts classes..... Oh! God I just never bothered to attend those... dreadful classes....those sweet nothings at the Chinese Stall.... I so much still miss it all.

As usual attending those classes... and sometimes just whiling away time.... all the friends sat and talked about what they wanted to be in future... Chetan always said... he would be the creative Guru... and Tejas the retail tycoon... Amzath promised to re- invent Management fundas and Deepti just wanted to rule the Cop COM world.... Anushree wanted to write some of those creative jingles....Meeta was the head of the 'PR SAHELI' group, Arindom.... just dint want to do anything... He also wanted to make... dirty films... starring Sayantani.... :) and we all would just laugh at all these plans all evening through.
Believe me... If we once again sat together, we would still have some weird plans for our lives.

Every Day had a joke to laugh on.... a good deed to cherish and a pain to kill.... :) Simply an experience of a life time. As the night fell, we would be found in various restaurants dining and chatting. To explore the city we would travel to unknown places and food joints... just to find some familiar faces to ask that stupid question. “Hey! What are you doing here?" as if only they could get adventurous in life.... :)

Those last minute expensive parties.... and the crazy dance on summer of 69.... It was a song we related to the most... and we still wonder.... what else this song could possibly mean to us..... apart from our happy days together... :) The pulse of love.... would hold every heart close.... and it would only be love that would shine in that atmosphere in the end.... There was a protective arm to guard and an innocent heart to care......at the end of it all....the smiling faces could never fade!

I could never dare to end this story... I just can't.... because this story has no end.... it still goes on in our lives... in its own silent ways.... it still rules a part of us all.... because we left a bit of us behind in those lanes... were we walked, talked and laughed together.....

We left a bit of ourselves at every twinkle of the star we saw together.... at every party we danced to and at every memory we cherish more than anything else in our lives.....

It is still a cold winter morning... but I don't walk up those familiar stairs anymore... have no one familiar to greet me... in fact...I wouldn’t even look around.... Now I just walk... and walk endlessly........... but when I look within... I could still laugh at those jokes.... and shed endless tears on that love...... :)

Wishful

In the trust of being spared from all the mortal toil, every human in pain wakes up fresh in the morning, with a motive to make a difference.... somewhere...

I Want to L I V E.....

Every one really wishes to live.. no matter what goes on in their lives... Imagine a deer running for his life every day so that it could be alive for that 1 extra day.... for that 1 extra hour.... :)

Even in an asylum or a jail... people want to live.... Even the poorest of the poor want to live...even in a jungle as tribals... people want to live... Just for a better life tomorrow, hopeful people want to live...for the love of being alive people want to live.... for that quest to know the unknown... people want to live!!!

All living beings want to live... by giving their own favourite excuses...to be left alive.... :)

Move............

"MOVE ON" , I hear this word more often than I hear my name..... :)

HOW LONG DO YOU WISH TO STICK AROUND?

Hey stranger... how long do you wish to stick around? What are you really trying to discover.

The World's an enigma... a puzzle so complex... with people so complex... with beliefs so complex... with myths that just breaks away every bit of reality...with so different thinking...How long do you really wish to stick around?

Not that if you wish longer, will you be able to tame...discover and understand all these things. But then again... if you don't wish to be here... you could really be somewhere else...or just nowhere!

Why is one's misery the other person's pleasure...like... some one may be sacked… And you could be hired... like some one may dump you... to be with some one else... its all so weird... but cannot be tamed.

If you chose to cause no pain... and then just walk by... you may still find an injured heart... and the reason for injury will be you. Then again how long would you really like to stick around...?

Justifying every little that you live for yourself, stating you were just meaning to be a little relaxed... and then would you mange to prove yourself... not all that selfish... coz you bothered to think for yourself too...?

Not to trust... what people bring to you... Not to trust how they look like... Not to trust what they may say or mean... then again... trust every one... because you chose to Live....

Every time you are there... and there for good... makes you feel more like a duty... and when you think you cant be there, it seems more of a crime... Is it really a crime... you ponder over all night... But then again... how long would you want to stick around?

Walking on the road... with zillions... and some just walk away and some just stop by... and some just cause pain... Who exactly would you stick on to? Who exactly do you call your own?

Ruled by the poison of change...nothing seems caged in your past... and nothing seem to be wanting to stay by in your future... then again... Freedom is sweeter to all.... but you need to know.... How long would you really want to stick around?

Not that if you wish longer, will you be able to tame...discover and understand anything. But then again... if you don't wish to be here... you could really be somewhere else...or just nowhere!

SO STRANGEEEEEE...................

There are people who look at you so intensely like they can read what your heart says, that they can see the pain, agony and happiness. Like they can see exactly how you feel... like you know less and they know more... Like they are just so busy judging everything you say and do... Its strange when things get so analytical... when every smile is questioned and every statement is marked in red.... :)

Who cares really... to speak just the right words and to be your right self all the time... I can't. I am careless... I am harrod... I say weird things, things I don't mean... some one may ask something... But I may be lost in my World...I Don't want to be judged.. Don't want to be looked at like that... Don't want any one to try to figure me out... and want the World to JUST let me BE.

People come to Go....

Not very often do I realize this, but somewhere I feel, when I do, that it gets lonely sometimes in this World.

Usually surrounded with friends and loved ones, I don't always realize this very often. As life always gives you your solemn moments to realize what you need to in your life. But then again, you can always choose to be an escapist or can also think about facing it.

I have learnt to face it. It was a regular Sunday, and I wanted to go for a movie. Asked a few friends, but realized that their better halves kept them busy, so some time for friends was not a good idea. It is shocking when you suddenly realize that your so called best friend cannot be with you, because she has other priorities. I could not go for the movie.

I don't know, if I would have done the same thing if I were in their shoes... but people have their lives to live... and it is no where close to the life that I live. I live for my friends, but in reality my friends live for some other important people in their lives!

I think I spent a lifetime walking with some people through thick and thin, but those people have walked ahead and far off. That is when I realized, that I am not covered with friends... I am almost alone.

Make believing that friends will always be there no matter what.... and also that every promise made during college days in awe of friendship would be kept. That I would be sheltered by their love. But in and outside, I have managed to make a mockery of it all!

Don't mistake this to be a sad tale of my life. It is a realization... that in the end of it all.... An individual is alone... every one is alone.... in life you walk in and walk out alone, people's presence in life is more of a comfort for the time being... because different people may be there at different times to fill in…but only for sometime. May be they have their own reasons to be with you. The reason could be anything… class notes, emotional help, time pass etc…

Being emotional and holding onto things does not really help, because people come to go. It is important to hold this in mind… it is important to live for yourself. Ultimately the only person who will remain common between yesterday and today is YOU.

Being alone helps. I have learnt it in my own way…. And there are people in your life who will teach it to you… every now and then.

This does not mean that you don’t hold any one close to your heart and look at every one with a sour feeling. What it does mean is to just accept this as it is.

Come on, there will be a time when I may meet some one like me… and then there would be no goodbyes…. How wishful… but what is life without a hope for a better tomorrow :)

A train story....

Strange things happen everyday.... and if I am around then the probability of strange things happening automatically increases ;)

So in the morning, when I took the train to work...I was just anxiously looking for a place to sit. The train as usual was moderately full; there wasn't any bright chance of finding myself a seat. To get some air, I stood beside the door. I did not carry my ipod, so had no option but to look around. Nothing really seemed to get my attention apart from this lady who stood by me in the train. Now this lady was supposedly communicating with another lady (must be her friend) who was lucky enough to get a seat in the train.

What was strange was not that they were communicating, but how they were doing so. Just when I decided to figure out what is happening I realized that some one has gotten off the train and now I do have an opportunity to sit. So I sat right beside the lady who was trying to make a conversation with the lady standing by the door.

Now the way these two ladies were conversing was through a strange 'sign language' which I am sure was best understood to them and no one else. In spite of being gifted with the power of speech, they decided to act out their lives stories.

The lady standing by the door sure seemed to be well trained in acting or must have been a champ in dumb charades. So her facial expressions were really loud and her body language very graceful. The other lady was more of a bathroom actor (come on... if u can have bathroom singers...) hence she was very moderate with her expressions and as there was less space, she could not really use her hands too much.

The lady standing by the door seemed to be narrating a nightmare or a ghostly story at least that is what I understood. The other lady sitting beside me seemed to be enacting a day in her life type of a story.

What was commendable... that the lady by the door was indeed giving a great performance, but nothing could be understood by any one apart from the lady sitting beside me. I think while traveling in the train they managed to create their own language, which was truly strange but looked grand.

If I were with a friend I would just talk... and talk... or keep quiet... but this was some fantastic peace of work that I saw today.

People find their own way to do things they really want to.... :)

The Painful Let go.... :(

Why is "Let Go" easier to say than implement.... I have tried to let things be... or let go of people so many times, but have never been successful.

Why is that so difficult for me?? I just can’t see things falling apart. I can’t see people walk away, at least those who mean something to me.

Am I suffering from some psychotic disorder, as usually people find it very simple to let go. May be some people are just too strong. Some people know just the right thing... and also walk towards it. But my heart always melts when I see people who matter to me. My anger seems far gone!

Beyond a particular time, I do believe that no one in reality belongs to me. It is this temporary phase of life, till life rolls we like to possess people and things and proudly call them 'ours'.

It is so strange, that people, who are important to me, are actually not mine. Because when death comes knocking at my door I will have to walk towards it all alone... No one shall accompany me... I will have to walk alone...

What is funny is that every one knows this reality, and what is strange is... that no one wishes to believe in it. May be because no one wants to be lonely... maybe no one wants to walk alone!!

Why are things so important to the world? When even people one can never possess. And some spend a lifetime acquiring objects that will be left behind.

But still why is it so difficult to let go? I know just like others, I will spend my entire life, collecting things and people to make my life peaceful...but in the end...I will have to walk alone. Can I then learn to find peace in this loneliness and defy every rule of Sociology?

No matter how much I would wish to believe I can.... the truth is I can’t.... Come on I am not God yet :)

I am not you, that is why... :)

Ask no question and hear no lie... This is what he told me one day... and obviously I was pissed. Dude I don't ask something to hear a lie...but people live their lives on their own terms... and whatever belief we carry towards a particular thing is actually subjective.

No matter how much we think that we are in sync with the World... society... friends... family… Etc the truth is... We are not in sync with any one. Every one lives more for their own self than the others. Selfless, yes sure people are, but more towards things that are more likely to appeal to themselves.

No, I am not trying to say that every one is selfish, or anything like that. But I do want to say that every one thinks of self a bit more than the others.

I have been brought up in a family, where every member has his own space to think and react to things. He/she can choose their respective paths. No one really asks me... Why the hell I am this way? But they sure say... OK you are moody and weird.

But don't take these words as judgments; these are more of characteristic description and acceptance. The point that I am trying to drive home is there is no use in being judgmental about things and people. People are People... and if they are a particular way... or think a particular thing... then they are so, that is all. Hence nothing really makes a person good or bad. It just forms their characteristics.

The things we find bad... may not be really bad. But they sure are displaced. Like food on a dining table, is taken as 'clean'... gives a good feeling... and the same food... in the loo... sure gives a creepy feeling and also brings in a feeling of being 'dirty'. Hence the truth remains that there really is nothing clean or dirty, it is just a displacement of things that make us feel so!

That is why the statement... Ask no question, hear no lie... bugged me... but in reality... may be my mind perceived it as something displaced... But the one who said it... to his mind it must have seemed perfect for that moment. Come on people don't always like to talk shit... Do they?

Think about it... just two words... Subjective... and Displacement... ;)

Dream = Reality

Ever lived a life where you could not distinguish between a Dream and Reality... I have and to a large extent I still am. But they are not weird dreams, these dreams are very real. They just generally represent a day in my life. There is no loss or achievement in them... it is just so much like normal life.

So many times I have gotten up and asked something to my mom, and she has told me; “No, this never happened. You must be dreaming". Only once she would say so, I would realize that it was a mere dream.

This is very strange... and funny at the same time. When I was young, I remember that I spent years searching for a few cut- outs from a book in my parent’s wardrobe... and my parents just insisted that they have never seen them and are unaware of their existence. At that time I just thought that my parents must have just hidden them somewhere. I just never managed to find them. But I still strongly believe that they existed.

Strange but true, that my dreams are so powerful that sometimes I would believe in them for time unknown even if some one tells me.... IT was a Dream!

Dream= Reality... strangely still happens to me!!!

NIRVANA

The gloom continues
Runs over the pleasant
And the ones who escape
Are elated…towards the unknown.

Just a nothing…exists…..
When the world around appears consciously dead
Mind discusses with some one within
Talks, confides and shares………….

Just alone……
Nothing affects, nothing pains
Isolation cures all heartaches
Things that don’t change be left numb…..

The shield on the outside
Never knows why….
Some things still penetrate
To indicate that one is alive!!

Lost in the self defined
One does all the right…
There is no revenge and there is no love….
There is nothing…..to hold on, to let go…

Seemingly psychotic
It is this, they call Nirvana
Calm and silent….

Watches the sinful……..
Answering the deeds…
Yet numb…..but alive within!
Has a heart to feel for all the……unsaid, undone, unfair….
…. With just nothing around!!!

GET UP

Get up every time the world puts you down
Speak up every time it is politically right to Shut Up!
Rise in every strength of your life
Go ahead; you’re born to conquer the Might!


Small people, Big People are people after all!
Stand Up for your commitments
Smile at the ones who let you down!
There is always an answer for every unsaid!

Go beyond to attain the Limitless
Passion breaking every boundary!
It’s the ‘YOU’ that will matter,
At the end of every story!!

Lower only to God
Every human has a power to prevail
It’s not important how often you fall,
But significant to Strike Hard!!

LOVE

Empty Page longs for contact
The Written feeling and unspoken sand...
Numb yet sensitive
Forms a strange attachment with words!
Like everyday feeling them upon itself.
Destiny holds nothing forever
And the words tend to fade...
The love not weak
But pain so true
Attack every cell of brain
And the heart sinks deeper
Deeper creating realization of love!
Stranger words, now life of an empty page!
For when the light falls, they read themselves...
To narrate the story of a proud emptiness...
Who has now got addicted to fulfillment!
The numb feelings fear the pain
Strange attachments bind and unite
Separation fears the forthcoming misery
Love...deep love taught to be patient by pain!
Fade away when the pages tear,
Wash away when the entity disappears.
True it was to happen,
But true that it cannot be forgotten!
Nothing can take away...
The nourished whole...filled with the name of love!
The fire cannot burn what is burning...
And water cannot wash away that flows!
Nothing can change what lives forever!
No decay can conquer LOVE!

THE UNKNOWN

Receptive to the unknown
Humans learn to survive
Unable to understand the
Weird wishes of the heart

Every storm leaves numb…
The life that wanted to live.
After effects leaves nothing alive
Faith in belief sees reality.

Good or bad reaction
Just makes one, more heartless every day
In this fake world
Every reality disintegrates!

I don’t ask to change a thing
May not be as easy to be!
Make me strong every day Oh! Lord
I want to face each day with dignity!

Every little thing hurts
Make me numb
I wish to live some more
May be lost, yet alive enough!!

IGNORED

The beauty of individuality
Is the reality
People hide, what is real
And show what the world wants to see….

This world has abandoned me
Left me untouched.
Forgot to teach me,
The rule of the land!

I said my heart felt
Smiled at every wink of child like stories
Gave the world truth
Bitter or sweet, but naked!

Today I lay
With friends and foe
World of understandings and
A World of lost hopes.

Insignificant to the majority
I learnt to be ignored
Be no one in ones life
Be some one is someone’s life!

Gave with both hands
With innocent heart,
The cruelty made me strong
Taught me to smile, after every tear!

Ask me not how I take it
All think m strong
No one saw the death, I died every day
No one felt the numbness creep in.

This life has made me
Strong, hurt, full of zest in pain!
Every day the sprit shivers,
And I sense decay!

I am alive,
Sane in this inhumane world
Simple, unaware and
Yes, IGNORED.

Life with 'was'...

People suffer from various disorders, but I suffer from a Compulsive Writing Disorder. It seems that I have developed this because of my undying urge to express. Writing is a hobby. But writing also gives me peace.

I have just too many elements of "WAS" (were) in my life... Lot of things were beautiful and many worth reliving. But the question is why some people chose to better forget their past or dig it deep inside their hearts.

Some past hurts, when discussed it hurts more. My father has always been in a transferable job, so the frequency of things getting piled up, as past were more. And may be, just may be I have a longer past. Lot of things happened in that little time.

They say the only constant is change, no matter how much I hate this; it has been more than true in my life. I have never been able to live a happy or sad moment for a long enough time. It has all been so fast.

A dancer, A lover of art, Traveling queen, Enthusiast, in love with life... all these form my 'was'. Yes, I would like to believe that nothing really is lost, but that would be a lie. Every city I traveled to, I lost a bit of me there...for eg: In Chennai it was the innocence...In Pune it was the attitude...etc. but when I sit and think, I realize I lost a bit of me everyday!

What have I become today is not important. What I was is also not really important. But what is funny is, that something that formed today, changed to my so called past in a few seconds. I am quite emotional, so this transition has not really been that welcomed by me. But yes, I have lived it all.

Is today my ‘Now’? May be till the storm is silent! They say don't laugh a lot, you might have to pay the same off with tears... if this rule works vice- versa... then I am quite at an advantage. But yes, it is difficult to forget the 'was'. Perhaps it will always remain a part of me...dug somewhere...unshaken...but unforgotten.

How does it matter really? Ultimately I have changed a lot...may be for the better, may be for the worst...but the inevitable... has happened.... I am still losing a bit of me everyday!

Are you in your skin?

It is that time of the night… when people prefer to sleep… but someone nocturnal like me; find their brains a little extra active at this hour.Am I a child of Satan?? Or it is just insane to be up? Well it does not really matter what people think or perceive this to be.

It is important to spend some time thinking...just about anything...I think about all the things that I did, All the people I remembered, Someone new I liked or just disliked... That special someone I still miss, those college days that are an inseparable part of my life... those long lost friends and the good times.

Thinking helps me realize that I am alive... that apart from all the things I do and say... in the best of their diplomatic condition...I do give myself a room for thought and sit and talk to myself and meet the real me.

I am known for being blunt and On the Face...but I do sometimes say things to people I don't really mean... but still say it may be thinking that it is appropriate.

But what I have realized is that in this huge World, no matter how covered you are with friends and well wishers, you do have a real you, known best to self!

Nobody likes to walk naked on the road... and so we usually wear all the things that are taught to us by the World...with a clear definition of the wrongs and rights or acceptable and unacceptable.

This dilemma to be socially accepted grips everyone who wishes to survive. I am not someone who very easily appeals to the nicer side of people...may be because I like to be closest to my real self. Simply because I don't want to lead a life that I am taught to lead and follow the same blindly. I use my own judgments before I follow any rule put forth by the Law of the Land.

Does this make me rude? Well I don't know that, but it sure makes me real. In spite of the fact that I too may get sugar coated at times, but I still feel that am closest to my skin.

Talking to yourself helps, because you just know yourself a little better when you speak up to yourself what you really feel, what you missed and what you really wished to say to the World outside :)